Real Life Accounts of Professor Severus Snape
by Jess the Great
Summary: On September 1, 1993, an anonymous 6th year Hufflepuff began to take notes on the odd behaviour of Professor Severus Snape...
1. Transcriber Notes AKA Disclaimer

May you be warned that the following is very true. I, an anonymous 6th year Hufflepuff who goes by the name of Jess had decided, after noticing rather... odd behaviour from our Potions Master to take note of him. Please realize that these are real life accounts of Professor Severus Snape taken in the year 1993 that had, for reasons unknown, not had been published in Ms. Rowling's Harry Potter series. Even though these may seem slightly humourous to spectators, I assure you that these manuscripts are purely scientific. And please do not ask Professor Snape about these accounts, unless you want to face a slightly peeved and testy Potions Master. Thank you.  
  
TRANSLATION:  
  
All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers. Anything that happens in this story that has happened in a real like account is purely coincidental. This story is non-profit and shall remain that way. If you wish to add this story to your archives or comment the writer, owl to: colourguard_g4@yahoo.com. Oh, and in short, kiddies: Please don't try this at home.  
  
Added Note from the Transcribers: Since the original manuscript was very complex in the notebook which it had originally been written, we have decided to put it into a format that is more easily understood by the general public. Therefore, everything shall be transcribed into 3rd person without any of the original author's writing. Any crucial notation shall be disclosed at the end of each installment. 


	2. November 8, 1993

Throughout the whole school year, most first years know that the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have been given many projects and activities such as costume balls and Hogsmeade trips (3rd years and up) to keep them occupied. Yet, it isn't known by them, and shall not be discovered until the time comes, that the teachers themselves usually spend one day of doing something very radical and fun.  
  
One year they had hosted a talent show, where many Professors had sang, played instruments, and preformed little oddities. Another year they had a baking contest, and the prefects and head boy and girl had prized many baked goods. This year, however, there is a slight change in their books.  
  
They were going to have a dress up day. But not any sort of dress up day, oh, no, but a Dress Up as the Professor of Your Choice day. The rules were, as follows: You couldn't be you, No one could be the same Professor, Your professor could be one from the present or past, And you had to act like your Professor for the whole day (until dinner that evening)- teaching their class and all Only on professor to a subject.  
  
Now, throughout these long, slightly bizarre years, there has always been one teacher that hasn't participated in any of the events. One might think that McGonagall would be too strict to play along in these affairs, but she's one of the more enthusiasts- she even sang a duet ("Build Me Up Buttercup") with Professor Dumbledore. Another person might suspect that Professor Trelawney would never descend from her towers just to act like a big fool, but she happened to be the first place winner of the bakery contest '89 with her excellent pound cake. But no, if you could venture another guess, it would probably be correct. You see, Professor Snape with all of his dignity decided that these were "...childish and a waste of time".  
  
All through Professor Snape's time of teaching at Hogwarts (all twelve years and counting), he remained as the clear-headed teacher among his colleagues, and didn't participate in these activities. That is, until now.  
  
***  
  
It was 7:42 on a chilly November 8th, and the student body and faculty alike were having breakfast. It would be a normal day at Hogwarts (well, as normal as you can get at a wizarding school), except the students were /quite/ surprised to see all of their professors... well, to say the least, dressed up.  
  
Professor Dumbledore sat in a costume that somewhat resembled Professor Flitwick. Professor Flitwick, on the other hand, tried very hard (and failing) to look like Hagrid. Professor McGonagall had a long beard attached to her chin, and what looked like one of the Headmaster's very own cloak and hat. She, of course, now sat at the head chair. And along this line of very odd professors, one could see teachers dressed up as one another, and other ones dressed up of professors during their days of school. And Professor Sinistra actually took the extra step to becoming her least favourite professor, and stole Professor Snape's 3-sizes-too-big robes, and now wore what could be resembled as a sneer.  
  
Professor McGonagall (now going by the name Albus Dumbledore) looked around and noticed one of the staff members missing. "Where's Severus?" She asked, in her best impersonation of the real headmaster.  
  
Her companion's blue eyes twinkled merrily. He cleared his throat, and tried his very best to sound as... err... squeaky. "Over there." He pointed to Sinistra. She was glaring at all of the students below her.  
  
McGonagall rolled her eyes. "No, the /real/ Severus."  
  
If possible, his eyes only sparkled even more, and resumed eating his breakfast.  
  
Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal a figure that was running for his life.  
  
"TROLL!" He screamed, "TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!"  
  
McGonagall stood up just as the real professor had, but for a very different reason.  
  
Professor Snape, with an awfully good turban on his head, and very Quirrel- looking robes on looked up at the table. "'Thought you aught to know." And on cue, collapsed face first into the floor.  
  
Everyone's mouth was opening, not knowing what to do. Except for Sinistra (aka Snape) stood up from her seat, and very convincingly swept across the platform and loomed over 'Quirrel'.  
  
"As amusing as it is to see you washing the floor with your own face, you can stand up now. The dramatics are over."  
  
He very shakily stood up, and with a twitch in his mouth and eyes, stuttered "Of c-c-course, S-Severus..."  
  
Sinistra could almost see the smirk that played on his face as he shakily got up to the table with the Great Hall laughing at his well-played performance.  
  
He tried to eat his breakfast, but with his hands shaking so much, the silverware kept on clanking onto the table, and he muttered a very scared "s-s-sorry".  
  
Needless to say, the humour wore off after everyone had class with him. It took about a minute for him just to spit out one sentence, and another twenty to write the very sloppy notes on the board.  
  
Even though he played a very good Quirrel (a /bit/ over done, but good), it got very frustrating when a student asked if they could go to the loo, and his response was "Of c-c-c-course, M-m-m-miss. C-c-c-clearw-w-water."  
  
All in all, the teachers had a ball playing their parts. Professor Lupin had the pleasure of being the head of Gryffindor and the Transfiguration professor, but apparently Transfig wasn't his strong point. And it was very hard to act the same way in Potions class, but Sinistra kept on taking points after points from Gryffindor and criticized their potions, even though they did it all correctly. But forget that Sinistra herself couldn't even make a deflating drought without supreme help.  
  
At dinner, everyone was relieved to see all of their professors back as themselves, and the staff table was bustling with everyone laughing at each other for portraying different professors.  
  
Snape could feel Dumbledore's eyes on the back of his head. He slowly turned his onyx eyes to meet the crystalline blue. "What?" It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"Oh, nothing, I'm just glad to see you lightening up." He took a sip of his disgustingly sweet tea.  
  
Snape cocked an eyebrow, "Lightening up?" He then smirked, "I think not. I was just having a bit of... fun."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "You do have a sick sense of humour, you know that?"  
  
His response was only Severus' smirk deepening, and him going back to his dinner.  
  
***  
  
This is the end of the first installment. If you have any questions that need to be answered, please contact the transcribing team at colourguard_g4@yahoo.com or leave a review. Please stay with us, we're in the midst of transcribing the second installment, and it shall be published soon. Thank you. 


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